COVID-19 journal, March 22 and 23, 2020

March 22nd

70 cases in Maine now, 6 of the at Oceanview in Falmouth.

It's so quiet.  No planes overhead, no cars down our road or leaf blowers or trucks. The only noises are the furnace and the refrigerator.

Today I'm not interested in reaching out to everyone, or crying, or sighing or creating or puzzling.  I like the nothing, the reading, the staring out the window to watch spring come.  I like looking deep into the leaves of my African violets to see if new flowers are thinking to bloom.  I like the simplicity of the day, of our Scrabble game, of sitting in the sun-warmed chair.

I haven't been inside anywhere but my own home for a week.  I've waved at my mother as I drop off food, and every so oftee worldn I've driven to Maine Audubon for walks, but life is all just here now.

***

March 23rd

Yesterday I lived in a bubble, of looking at the goodness of being quiet. We'd played a funny game online with the girls, Tom and I watched the birds on the feeder as we played Scrabble and ate dinner. We did the puzzle and read and chatted with nieces and watched spring out the window.

But today is harder. I feel hopeless when I hear the president speak, when he shares his crass thoughts and brittle reports. And in the middle of last night, the anxiety rolled in like the tide.  I thought of things we should be sure to do. Have enough food on hand for illness.  Have medicine. Tell the girls to get flu meds and popsicles and chicken soup, to be sure to have three months of prescription medications on hand.  To not go to stores, to not leave their homes, to not touch anything or breathe.

Breathe.

Today I overwhelmed one daughter with all my it-might-make-sense-to ideas.  I'm doing the best I can! She text/yelled. I'm sorry.  So sorry.

The only one handling it all well, with no panic in her voice or actions, is my mother  We talk each day and she calms me. She sees the world as it is from her own home, out her own windows, with her greatest complaint being her need for a haircut.

My eye is twitching.
The ducks are on parade all over the lawn.
Rudolf Serkin is playing Mendelsohn.