Wednesday, April 22, 2020

COVID-19 journal, March 26, 2020


March 26th


It's sunny, and three small crocus were blooming in the backyard.  I brought them inside so I can stare at their purple veined petals up close.

I got a bread maker in today's mail. I googled Anadama bread, and it's whirring away on the counter. Of course I didn't read the directions first, so I didn't make a small hole for the yeast like I guess I'm supposed to, and I don't know why it beeped several minutes in, and I don't know what size loaf I'm making or how long it should bake, but it's a bread machine, so I'm sure it knows what it's doing.

This morning I woke up hopeless, worried, and Tom woke up  more positive. We balanced each other out. There have been 200 deaths in the US so far, and it looks like one out of every 60 . . . oh, I'm not going to finish that sentence.

This afternoon I'll go into Portland and take a walk with Marlena and Sophie.

  • Tom and I like to watch the birds while we eat dinner.
  • My mother ordered new nightgowns on line and and a new toaster
  • At 8PM we can hear a shout from the neighbors - something that began in Italy when people were in their homes day after day. Here on our quiet road, it sounds like a small tantrum.
  • We're getting take-out tonight. I'm excited and also fearful.

Monday, April 20, 2020

COVID-19 journal, March 25, 2020

Today I invited my mother outside for a walk. It was just over 40 degrees out, but she'd been inside for 15 days and we both needed a visit.  I brought her some cabbage salad I'd made, and she came outside where I waited like a neighbor kid waiting for a playmate.  She was just out of the shower with her hair dryer in hand, and plugged it in outside and we laughed together while she dried her hair in her breezeway. Then we made a slow walk all the way down the street and talked about the birds and the neighbors and paint colors. I told her about a recipe I'd found of grandma's, a cherry jello mold with a dressing made from sour cream, blackberry jam and a pinch of dry mustard.  She bent over in the street laughing.  We mostly stayed six feet away from each other, but it's unnatural to not be closer.

  • There are close to 150 COVID cases in Maine.
  • Tom works downstairs, mostly telling people to calm down. I can hear his soothing tone through the floorboards.
  • .Sweet potatoes with black beans and cheddar for dinner
  • Second jigsaw puzzle almost done
  • Put on eyeliner today because - just because - even though no one sees me, but I look so faded.
  • Cleaned the top of the kitchen cabinets for maybe the first time since they were installed in 1997, and even though I have nothing but time, I still only took maybe 10 minutes and didn't do a good job.
  • Ordered fresh produce delivered today, and have never been so excited to see a vegetable.
  • Summer Olympics postponed one year
  • Will not watch or listen to any news or discussion of news after 4PM to keep my sanity.

COVID-19 journal, March 22 and 23, 2020

March 22nd

70 cases in Maine now, 6 of the at Oceanview in Falmouth.

It's so quiet.  No planes overhead, no cars down our road or leaf blowers or trucks. The only noises are the furnace and the refrigerator.

Today I'm not interested in reaching out to everyone, or crying, or sighing or creating or puzzling.  I like the nothing, the reading, the staring out the window to watch spring come.  I like looking deep into the leaves of my African violets to see if new flowers are thinking to bloom.  I like the simplicity of the day, of our Scrabble game, of sitting in the sun-warmed chair.

I haven't been inside anywhere but my own home for a week.  I've waved at my mother as I drop off food, and every so oftee worldn I've driven to Maine Audubon for walks, but life is all just here now.

***

March 23rd

Yesterday I lived in a bubble, of looking at the goodness of being quiet. We'd played a funny game online with the girls, Tom and I watched the birds on the feeder as we played Scrabble and ate dinner. We did the puzzle and read and chatted with nieces and watched spring out the window.

But today is harder. I feel hopeless when I hear the president speak, when he shares his crass thoughts and brittle reports. And in the middle of last night, the anxiety rolled in like the tide.  I thought of things we should be sure to do. Have enough food on hand for illness.  Have medicine. Tell the girls to get flu meds and popsicles and chicken soup, to be sure to have three months of prescription medications on hand.  To not go to stores, to not leave their homes, to not touch anything or breathe.

Breathe.

Today I overwhelmed one daughter with all my it-might-make-sense-to ideas.  I'm doing the best I can! She text/yelled. I'm sorry.  So sorry.

The only one handling it all well, with no panic in her voice or actions, is my mother  We talk each day and she calms me. She sees the world as it is from her own home, out her own windows, with her greatest complaint being her need for a haircut.

My eye is twitching.
The ducks are on parade all over the lawn.
Rudolf Serkin is playing Mendelsohn.


 

Time





















Time
to fill the pottery bowls on the deck
with water.
Blue jays push to the front
and drink.
Purple finches sip
as if champagne,
then flitter around the yard
like Disney birds in Cinderella
among the trees and empty branches,
chasing each other
be mine, be mine.

CO-Vivid Dream March 19


Last night I dreamed I'd bought a cottage.  I couldn't see the water.  In fact  was so busy in the new place that was just the size of my real life kitchen that I didn't go explore.  There was a plumber there who wouldn't leave until he had someone else view his work. Then there were two plumbers there  They showed me the doors that led outside, on top of which teetered buckets of water, like for a prank.  But while the water sloshed about, the buckets balanced and didn't spill.  The two water guys seemed to think this was a good setup.

Then back in my new cottage I was considering maybe putting in a new small kitchen countertop at some point, and maybe some under-cabinet work, since the storage area was crumbling and frightening. 

Then my sister appeared by my side to tell me she had prostatitis.

Then I notice the far side of the room where my brother sat, with maybe my friend Mary, maybe my high school friend Lee Ann.  In any case, every seat was full. 

In the kitchen I noticed there was a can of Cheese-wiz that had been put away empty, and there was sprayed cheese lining the inside of the trash bin and the inside of a box of crackers and I immediately accused my brother who was guilty as charged.

Then Mary appeared by my side  and said she was going upstairs and I wondered how long she was supposed to be there and remembered only a day, that she was leaving on Monday.

Then I went outside and across the way from my house was an A-frame cottage, all glass, didn't look like anyone was home, but the walls were lined with books and souvenirs from walks in woods and games and articles about the art in plastic frames like you'd find in a museum house.  I remembered I'd seen this house in an article I'd read about a writer but couldn't who it was and was momentarily excited by the idea that it was someone whom I knew of and admired, until a man rounded the corner and saw me.  I told hi I was his new neighbor and he introduced himself.  I said, "Say it again?" He said something like three letters, sounded like Um-a-Pie.  I repeated it back.

Then I continued my walk noticing I had a backyard area and a gate that led down a narrow path like in an old village.  I headed down the hill and saw water - the ocean.  All high water.  No shore. No beach. Just waves.  Two people came surfing toward me, a young woman lying on a board and a young guy with her, trying to help find her bathing suit that had come off and left her naked...

Recently I told someone that this strange period of time with the puzzles, daydreaming, cooking and reading feels like a vacation at the lake, except with a deadly virus thrown in.  I think my dreams know that.



Sunday, April 19, 2020

COVID-19 journal, March 18, 2020

March 18th

Everything on our calendar has been cancelled. A surprise birthday party, a concert, trips, appointments.  I keep it posted on the fridge though, in case the universe changes its mind.

Every day, emails are sent from organizations and businesses, entitled "how we are coping with COVID-19." Shoe order sites, oil delivery, nonprofits, concert venues, cable companies, credit card offers Everyone tells how they're wiping, limiting, responding to, even if we never have come into contact with anyone there before, even if their businesses require no wiping or human interaction of any kind.

Monday: 17 cases in Maine
Tuesday: 32
Wednesday: 42

6,000 people have died worldwide.
7,000 cases now in the US.

Today I went or a walk at Maine Audubon with Luci, made soup for dinner, raked the fall leaves off the burgeoning tulips, and called friends.

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Scrabble




















We are playing a nightly game of Scrabble
to cope.
We're on our third night,
fighting.
Contentious words include tootsie
(me, he said it's a proper name because he only looked up
Tootsie the movie and
Tootsie Roll),
ad
(he won't accept two-letter
Scrabble Dictionary words
unless he makes them),
and
Zion
and I said
no,
you can't,
it's a proper noun
no matter how you Google it.
I had tiles to make corona
and didn't.