Florida Through My Years - Part III: 1977-1981

I started to like lying next to the pool

more than being in it,

and could come out to the pool by myself
since I was actually a lifeguard,

and didn’t have to wait for Grandma.

So that had changed.

I started to wear my mother's Bain de Soleil for the St. Tropez tan
instead of No-Ad
since it smelled so good,
but my mother would only let me use a little. Don't waste it.
It's expensive.

I still hated afternoons when we’d shop at Burdines

or drive to Miami to meet mom’s friend Rhoda

or drive to lunch.

I hated the air conditioning that made me feel clammy

and I had to stick my head between my knees.

I hated missing the sun so I couldn’t get a tan

and held my arms up to the car windows as we drove.
I hated visiting my Aunt Ethel who didn't like me
or Aunt Sara and Uncle Sam who had nothing to do at their place
and I still wasn't allowed out to the beach or to their pool.

Deena stopped coming to Florida,

or went to a different school with a different vacation schedule,

and a guy with curly blond hair

started working for the apartment complex

so I needed to stay closer to home

and be more available.

His name was Rick.

Yesterday I got a burn. I left a note on curly hair’s motorcycle. His name is Rick.  He has a toucan shirt. He has eyes the color of the ocean. They sparkle when the sun hits them. He lives 6 miles away from here.  He’s never seen snow.  He hates crabs, he loves lobster, and in the letter I wrote that he must get 1,000,00 fan letters and he said it was his first.  He said my letter wasn’t silly! What a great day! It finally paid off to make a fool of myself. He said tomorrow was his day off. I just pray that he’ll come tomorrow anyway. I just have to keep writing in my journal until he passes or else it will look like I’m waiting for him.  

Which I am.

In the late afternoons I drove to Fort Lauderdale
with my new license in my grandparents' car
and picked up my grandfather from his job in the furniture store. 
He would get into the car and loosen his pastel tie, and put his elbow on the windowsill,
the warm air ruffled his white hair and he ran his hand through it.
He never seemed to mind that I had all the windows down.
We didn't talk.
He looked tired after his day selling sofas and bureaus.
At night we ate supper at the table
and I played gin with my grandfather or sometimes spite and malice with my grandmother or 6-11 with my mother and grandmother if there was a fourth person to play.

I started to sit on the steps outside my grandparent's apartment
pretending it was a normal place to sit,
on concrete steps with no chair
at an old people's apartment building.
But a cute guy had moved in with the Warshauers next door.
Their nephew.
This guy next door started talking to me. He winked and smiled at me, he said that my freckles were cute. I hate it when anyone else says that but it seemed nice when he said it.
I wanted to be there when he came home from his job.
He couldn't miss me, he'd have to step right over me.

Hi.
Hi. How's it going?
Good.

My grandparents and my parents were not happy
when I'd sit on the steps.
Come inside. That's no place for you to sit.
I like the warm afternoon sun, I'd shout back
through the kitchen door they'd left open so they could watch me
and be sure I wasn't being a total embarrassment.
That's no way to act. Come inside.

We have 3 1/2 more days here. I'm sitting out on the diving board at 6:30 just thinking. Underneath my feet are bubbles from the warm water that jets out from the pipes. I try to pop them but they pop out too quickly. Today was a great day boy-wise. First of all two boys from Toronto kept talking to me. One tried to keep pushing me into the water. They aren't very good looking but the're nice.

My grandmother took me to bingo on Tuesday nights in the recreation building.
I 29.
N 47.
B 4. And after! They yelled back.
I never won.

Most afternoons my grandmother stayed in the kitchen
when she wasn't outside knitting.

There wasn't a lot I wanted to eat at my grandparents' house.

She baked hermits for my brother, thinking he loved them.

They were filled with raisins and molasses and

smelled of the tin they were kept in.

He didn't like them but never knew how he could tell her.

She also baked mandel bread that just tasted like a rock hard cookie

without sugar.

I wanted oatmeal chocolate chip cookies

but she didn’t bake those.

Grandma kept brandied fruit in a brown glass jar on the kitchen counter.
It was fruit that had to be fed
like pet fish.
Or stirred.

My grandmother would drive it to Maine for the summer, and she and my mother would take turns taking care of it. 
Then my grandmother would drive it back to Florida.
I never ate it.

She had a picture from a magazine taped to the inside of her food pantry

of a fat lady with no clothes.

My grandmother always started diets on Mondays

and said she used the picture to remind herself why.

I have 6 hours left here.  This morning I came out at 8 and read by the pool and who should come down but friendly Rick. I took a picture of him and he gave me his address without me having to ask! He said he would write! The rest of my time today will be spent doing nothing.  I packed last night. Yesterday Rick did come but only to pick up some people to drive them Miami.  I’ m going to miss him so much! I just found out that he’s only 19! I can’t believe it and I never will.  He looks at least 25.  I told him that.  He said that’s what everyone says.  This book is getting too messy.  From now on it will be nice and neat.  I told Rick how I hated being asked the same questions over and over again. He laughed.  He’s cleaning out the garbage cans right now.   When I left, he kissed me goodbye.  He is so nice!